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Content › Humour and Conflict - Marc Segar 1974-1997: A Survival Guide for People with Asperger Syndrome
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- An autistic person's sense of humour is often about things
which suggest silliness, ridiculousness or which appear slightly insane.
- It may be necessary to keep your laughter to yourself
when there is something which is funny to you but not as funny to other people.
Laughter is one of the best feelings in the world and to have to hold it back
is a nuisance but, none the less, to laugh at the wrong times may annoy other
people.
- A non-autistic person's sense of humour is often to do
with finding clever ways of pointing out faults in other people and causing
them embarrassment. Everyone is a victim of someone else's humour at some
time or another but some people are made to suffer more than others. Sometimes,
non-autistic people can get quite ruthless with their humour. This is especially
true amongst teenagers and younger adults who are perhaps less likely to care
than older people.
- In the eyes of many zoologists, humour is a human replacement
for the violence which animals use on each other to establish an order of
dominance (the pecking order).
- No-one talks about the pecking order of which they are
a part.
- Many gangs or groups of people are not particularly welcoming
to outsiders but some are more welcoming than others.
- Often, the reason two or more people gang up on one person
is because it gives them a feeling of being united together. For reasons such
as this, it is often easier to talk seriously to people if you can find them
on their own.
- If you say or do something which can be misinterpreted
into a sexual context then it probably will be as a joke, often at your expense.
- If you are a victim of someone else's humour, it is often
possible to translate it (in your own mind) into constructive criticism and
then it might be personality building.
- If a joke aimed at you is not too harsh, it may be a good
idea to laugh at yourself.
- If a joke or some sarcasm aimed at you is too harsh, you
can say "what do you mean by that", "why did you say that",
"what's that supposed to mean" or "that's not very nice".
You may have to use your discretion in order to choose a suitable answer but
putting someone on the spot can be quite a good defence.
- If a joke or some sarcasm aimed at you is down right hurtful,
here is a last resort you can use. Calmly say that you found the joke hurtful
and ask if it was meant to be hurtful. If the other person says "can't
you take a joke?" or messes you around in some other way, stick to your
guns and just calmly ask them again if they meant it to be hurtful. If they
answer "no", then you have got what you needed. If they answer "yes"
then calmly walk away and in future, make it very difficult for that person
to talk to you until they apologise of their own accord.
- Questions are often a much more powerful form of defence
than statements.
- Remember that people who put you down unfairly and without
purpose are often feeling weak in themselves and are mirroring their own feelings
of weakness onto you.
- If you wish to join in and make jokes at the expense of
other people, bear in mind the following:
- Try not to make your jokes hurtful even if other people
do. People who do this are usually in the wrong.
- Try not to aim your humour at people wittier or funnier
than yourself because they might retaliate and will probably do better than
you, causing you to lose face. It is the verbal equivalent of picking a fight
with someone bigger than you.
- Also, try not to aim your humour at people quieter or
more shy than yourself. It is the verbal equivalent of bullying or picking
a fight with someone smaller than you.
- Don't make jokes about peoples mums or dads unless everyone
else is. To make jokes like these at the wrong time can make people violent
towards you.
- Try to avoid laughing at your own humour.
- Comedy is not just about playful confrontation, it is
also a very clever way in which people can accept the tragedies of life without
getting depressed. "If we didn't laugh then we'd cry".
Published on: 2005-09-24 17:08:54 (1600 reads)
(1600 reads) 
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