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Posted by fullhouse on Thursday, June 21, 2007 (21:02:14)
This was written by my daughter when she was 16, about life as the sibling of someone with Autism. It was published in the Advocate. I thought people may enjoy it!
What Does Not Destroy Me Makes Me Stronger
By Elizabeth Boyd
Editor's note: The opinions expressed herein are those of the author exclusively.
Throughout your lifetime, there will be many times you will think you cannot go on. There will be many times you will think that something is just too much for you to handle, and you may simply say, "I can't." During these times, however, I like to think, "What does not destroy me makes me stronger." These are words to live your life by. You cannot live your life dreading what's around the next corner. Everything you strive for, everything you fight for will make you a better person and help you live your life to the fullest.
There are people in this world who look at life and see only the bad. They only see the things that have not gone their way or dwell on things that could have been, forgetting to focus on what they can do this very moment. Take, for example, a family with a husband and wife, married for 14 years with four wonderful children. This couple lives their life and raises their family with the utmost care. They teach their children morals and manners, but they also try to fill their family's lives with perfection. They focus on what could have been done better instead of enjoying special moments with their children. They miss opportunities that were right in front of them, and sometimes - sadly enough - it takes something tragic to put things into perspective.
For some families, like mine, there is one word that will change their lives forever, one word that will make them never again, as some people say, "sweat the small things in life." That word is "autism," a complex brain disorder that often inhibits a person's ability to communicate, respond to surroundings and form relationships with others.
An autistic child, like my little brother Austin, has to work weeks, months, and in some cases years to learn things others can learn in a day. An autistic child, like my little brother, has to learn how to play, how to hug, how to love. When there is someone in your family with autism, you start to look at everything you have in your life...and truly appreciate it. You see what you've accomplished and how it made you who you are today, how it made you a better person.
"What does not destroy me makes me stronger" - this is something to remind yourself of when someone in your family has autism...and believe it is true. If not, you simply cannot handle seeing how hard your entire family has to work, has to fight for everything, all for your loved one with autism. You hear the ongoing battle with insurance companies, when they will not pay for speech therapy for your brother because he never knew how to speak in the first place. You hear the insurance company say they will not pay for behavioral therapy to stop your brother from banging his head on the tile floor because he cannot tell anyone what he needs...but they will pay for a helmet for him!
When autism is in your life, you have to believe that it makes you a stronger person. You have to believe that you don't get handed anything in your life you cannot deal with, and that it is all worthwhile in the end. Yes, you may sometimes wonder how God can make anyone work this hard just to live. But then you soon realize that this one child can really put things into perspective.
My perspective comes at moments when my brother looks me right in the eye and says, "I love you, Bep." I know that anything I do in my life will never add up to what he will have to work for his entire life. Now, when I see an obstacle coming, I hold my head up high and think to myself, "If my little brother can do it, so can I."
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