Bullied son struck back, got bullied by system
Friday, April 30, 2004 (00:47:28)

Posted by Sylvia

Tucson Citizen 15/04/2004

By Mary Morales Kirpes

As the mother of a child who recently was arrested and taken away from school without my knowledge or consent, I am happy to see that our state government gets it.

I was teaching at a local high school when my son was arrested at Gridley Middle School. The school knew where I was and how to get a hold of me, but chose to take my son to the juvenile detention center and tell me about it later.

I was so upset that they had taken my 12-year-old autistic son away that I didn't know what to do. I left school immediately (crying) and went to the detention center hoping I could take my son home. He had a doctor's appointment that day for a medication change. He was supposed to start this new medication that weekend under my observation.

I felt everyone, including the parole officer, treated me disrespectfully. They would not allow me to see my son or even talk to him. They didn't even care that he had a doctor's appointment.

I tried to get help that Friday afternoon from groups such as Disability Law, Rosemont Service Center, his doctors, teachers, to no avail. I felt so powerless, sad and angry that my sweet baby was in jail. I wasn't allowed to see or even talk to him.

He didn't even have the same rights as an adult who could make one phone call. I was livid and it showed. When I told the parole officer my son wasn't the kind of child who should be put in jail, and when I tried to explain that he had a very important doctor's appointment, she didn't care. In fact, she told me I was living in a dream world because my son is not as sweet as I think he is.

This really angered me. She sees my son for an hour and has him labeled as a criminal. This is a boy who doesn't steal, swear, lie or even start fights. He is autistic.

Even now I cry when I think about it. Let me tell you a little about my son. In elementary school, he was never a problem. He gave his teachers 110 percent. In seventh grade, he went to Magee Middle School, where he was under a lot of stress with changing classes. He was constantly picked on. He often came home crying and telling me that he wanted to kill himself.

This really concerned me, so I put him into a charter school where the behaviors of the other students were even worse and caused him more problems. The following year I took my first full time job as a teacher and put him into Gridley, which I did not care for but had no other option.

At Gridley he again was picked on for his quirky behaviors and was in the process of being diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. He had a behavior plan in place that was ignored, and he was being told by his teachers and parents to be strong. For an autistic child, being strong means hitting those who are calling you names and tormenting you. That is what he did that got him sent to jail. I agree what he did was wrong, but two wrongs don't make a right.

When the incident occurred I asked if anyone had been hurt by his angry attack. I was assured no one was. In fact, he was sitting in his second class after the incident when he was taken away.

I tried to stand up for my son and fight for his rights, but his parole officer labeled me as unrealistic and unconcerned for the victim. What they did not see was that I felt my son was the victim. When children pick on other children to get them in trouble or to get a thrill out of seeing them react, these bullies are rarely punished or even reprimanded. If the bullies are girls it is even worse. As a teacher, I can tell you that the worst bullies in middle school are girls.

I waited so long to write about this is because I wanted my son to first complete his one-year probation. I do believe that the reason they were so hard on him was because of me and I didn't want to make things even worse.

I was, and still am, trying desperately to be heard when no one wants to listen. I was told by his less than helpful public defender and parole officer not to say anything to the judge to defend my child. They did not want to hear about how good he was.

He was seen as violent and that is all they wanted to see. His terms of parole included the following: No playing with other children unsupervised. With autism, he never did anyway. No going out after dark without a parent, which he also never did. Forty hours of public service. Most organizations didn't want volunteers his age. And they wanted us to put him in, and pay for a very expensive program for the most severe emotional problems.

There were more conditions, but the worst was the year's probation fees. This was financially difficult since I was no longer working full time.

In the 2003-2004 school year, I did not take a teaching position so I could be there for both my sons who suffer with Asperger syndrome. This angers me as well. I am forced to quit doing something I love so I can be there for my teenage boys.

This has paid off, though, and now Daniel is in Alice Vail Middle School, where he has never been in trouble and is on the honor roll in regular education classes. The support for him has been wonderful and he plans on going to college to pursue geology.

If it weren't for the fact that my son saw how hard I fought for him and believed in him and insisted that he was good, he could very well have turned into what the state wanted him to be. It seems that Arizona law enforcers aren't used to parents who truly believe in their children, and they wanted to shut me up any way they could.

There are many problems with the school system in Arizona. The fact that parents have no rights to defend their children, unless they have money, upsets me.

I am glad to hear that the Arizona Legislature is making it mandatory to inform a parent before an arrest. This is a step in the right direction, but only a small step. There are many other things that need to be addressed and part of it is the role of the police in many minor incidents.

I remember the days when students were forced to talk it out when there were problems or parents were brought together to work out an agreement for punishment. Our schools are too eager to involve the police in matters that could be handled through the school and with parents.

The schools are taking the easy way out - just call the police, send the child to jail and label them as criminals at a very early age.

I am still very angry and will continue to tell my story, as should others. Parents must find a voice so we can defend our children without ridicule.